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Auburn wins social media humor battle with Mizzou

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(RNN) – It can take a long time to read actual football analysis and articles from journalists.

Hey, wait! Don't go. Keep reading. It will be worth it.

It's a lot easier to whip out a smartphone and cruise Twitter than to drop by a newsstand (yes, those still exist) and pick up the local paper (it costs a whole quarter and the machine won't take Bitcoin.)

So if you're interested in the SEC championship game and want to keep up with all the goings on in Atlanta this week, here are some 140-character factories that will keep you up to date with everything you need to know and humor you didn't know you needed.

First, there's the boring, official stuff like @AUAthletics, @FootballAU, @CoachGusMalzahn, @missouribuzztap, @mizzoufootball, and @mutigersdotcom, where schools and coaches tweet links to press releases and platitudes.

It's good if you want to get the news, official statements and stuff like that as it happens. There's also @Mizzou2SEC, which helped push support for Missouri switching conferences, but aside from in game, play-by-play commentary and a weak effort to make Arkansas the new Kansas as Missouri's fiercest rival, it's fairly mundane.

That's not what you're on Twitter for.

There are also some accounts that should be good but aren't like @AubietheTiger01 and @Truman_TheTiger, the official accounts of the mascots. Mascots are supposed to be humorous and entertaining, but these guys fail, especially Truman, who primarily just retweets other people.

Both schools' fans seem to love alcohol. The feeds @DrunkAubie and @DrunkTrumanMU, are off-color, inappropriate and worth perusing.

Iron Bowl hero Chris Davis (@chris11au) has used his increased stardom to talk about how "GOD is my MVP" and how he "Just got a standing ovation from my Geology class." It's fairly mundane, similar to Missouri quarterback James Franklin (@JFrankTank1), who has a Twitter-appropriate username but usually tweets the sort of wholesome stuff you'd hope your son would and replies to other people a lot without making his own posts.

Neither Davis nor Franklin can match Missouri backup QB Maty Mauk's mastery of the Twittersphere. Mauk's feed – @Miz_Mauk7_Zou – is rife with profane patriotism and smiling co-eds and gives Johnny Manziel's offseason misbehavior a run for its money.

But as the feeds dive into the absurd, Auburn has a distinct advantage. @AuburnElvis, sadly, doesn't live up to its excellent name and over-the-top self-promotion.

It's "one fan's crazy attempt to become a minor sports celebrity" but contains nothing worth going viral over and no puns involving Elvis lyrics. (Here's one to get you started: "Lord a-mighty, I feel Nick Saban's blood pressure rising." See, was that so hard?).

Sample tweet: "I'll say this for AJ McCarron: He totally deserves Mark Ingram's Heisman." Hunh?

The homerist @WarBlogle is packed with everything you need to pretend like Auburn is the only team in the universe; @Auburn_Problems provides all the smug sarcasm you'll ever need, @AuburnMemes combines the best of Auburn with the worst of the internet and Gus Malzahn's sweater vest (@Malzahns_vest) somehow manages to tweet without fingers, hands, arms or sleeves and is a great source for attire satire. Sample tweet: "Ladarius Owens played sew good last night."

Missouri does have the Golden Girls dance team (@MizGoldenGirls) that regularly posts pictures, but its only comedy goldmine is Gary Pinkel's Visor (@GPsVisor). Sample tweet: "Bo Wallace, the homeless man's Blaine Gabbert."

Early in game week, MU is trailing badly in the battle of wit. Quit tramping around the columns and create some good Twitter feeds, Missouri.

Time's running out.

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